Hey folks. I’m slowly getting back to blogging (again), and today’s post is a mix of personal, frustrated, and hopefully a bit of motivational. Let’s go.

You’ve probably heard that idea – “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
Or that “your environment shapes you.”
Maybe there’s some truth to it. Or maybe I’m just cherry-picking a convenient theory to justify my own story. Either way – I promised myself I wouldn’t complain anymore.
So let’s call this not a rant, but a factual case study.

🛫 Background:

I mentioned this before in my Russian blog (not here in English, I think), but when the war started, my wife, my friend and I all left Russia together and moved to Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan.
Not because we’re some brave activists – just because we didn’t want to support that asshole Putin (not even indirectly via taxes), we didn’t want to be part of his war, and we sure as hell didn’t want to get drafted.
We had already been planning to leave in the next few months anyway – the war just pushed the timeline forward.

So yeah, it’s been almost three years here in Bishkek.
At first, the three of us rented a big apartment together – mainly because my friend didn’t have the money for his own place. Later, we split and moved into separate ones.

💼 The Setup:

I asked one of my freelance clients (shoutout to the clinic in Mexico – Santa Maria!) if they could also hire my friend, who’s also a dev. They said yes, no questions asked.

Let me be clear:
My friend had zero freelance experience. He worked in a dusty office doing WordPress tweaks for “SomeCorp Ltd.” But I vouched for him.

So here’s what he got:

• $500/month for a simple mobile app
• My help (and my wife’s help) with everything – freelancing basics, tools, mindset, skills
• Shared apartment (was supposed to be for 6 months – turned into 2 years)
• I redirected some of my own client leads to him – even vouched that he’d be “as good as me, just cheaper for now”

Honestly? That’s a pretty damn good starting point.
When I started, I had 15 million rubles in debt, 900 rubles in my pocket, and no idea what I was doing.
(But that’s another story.)

☠️ Then I burned out

Hard.
So I took a year-long break from that same client. Before leaving, I trained my friend. I gave him full documentation on everything: systems, servers, setups.
Told the client: “Pay him my rate. Nothing changes for you. If you need anything, let me know.”
They agreed – and in hindsight, I may have unintentionally screwed them over a little. But I was truly done at that point.

🔧 The New Deal:

• He started getting $1,500/month
• The system was stable – he just had to monitor it
• I answered his questions quickly (within a day or two)
• He just had to maintain, improve the app, write updates, and support the client’s business
• And, of course, use the time to find more clients, level up, build a personal brand, grow his Fiverr, whatever

📉 The Outcome?

One year later, the client fired him.
They came back to me and said:
“He’s completely useless. A total idiot. We paid him $1,500/month for doing literally nothing.”

And honestly? They were right.

He was supposed to work at least two hours a day. That’s 40 hours/month.
With that kind of time, you can build a ton of value.
But no – instead, he wrote meaningless “reports” filled with buzzword soup, did zero real work, and even broke things.

Now I’m cleaning up his mess.

🔥 /I’m still fuming just writing this./

🤯 Why didn’t I cut him off earlier?

Because every time I thought “Maybe I should just move on” – I’d hear a voice in my head:

“Maybe he’ll finally step up.”
“It’s easier to move forward with someone than alone.”
“Maybe I’m just being impatient.”
“Come on, we’ve been friends for 25+ years – we played football together, we’ve been through a lot.”

So I waited.
A month. Then another.
Now it’s been three years.

💀 Where things stand now:

• He texted me: he’s going back to Russia. He’s giving up. Doesn’t want to move forward anymore.
• In reality, he never started moving at all.
• Now I’m stuck fixing the technical disaster he left behind.
• I lost three years sitting in Bishkek, waiting for someone to “go with me.”
  But he wasn’t going anywhere. He was just sitting.
  And I was standing next to him – stuck, because I thought we were walking.

🧠 The takeaway?

Even if it’s your childhood friend – someone you’ve known since you were seven –
don’t assume they want the same things you do.

Ask them.
Understand their goals, their motivation.
Because if they don’t really want it – they’ll sit and wait while you burn yourself out trying to drag them forward.

All he wanted was Netflix, football, Witcher, walks, and comfort.
And that’s fine.
But it doesn’t fit with “let’s build a startup,” “move to Canada,” “make billions,” or “change the world.”

Will he end up on the frontlines? Maybe.
Do I care? Honestly? Not really anymore.
I hope he’s safe, sure. But I’m done saving him.
I’ve already spent enough energy on someone who clearly never wanted to move.

🧨 One final thought:

Yes – your environment shapes you.
But also – your environment can kill your momentum.
I noticed: every time I talked to him, I felt drained. Less motivated. Less focused. More stuck.
That never used to happen.

✅ The end.

He’s going back to Russia.
And I’m moving forward – with my wife – toward the life we want,
toward the goals we actually set.

You can’t drag someone who doesn’t want to move.
You’re just wasting your life while they waste yours.